Category Archives: Poetry by W.R.R.

Wind and Rust

One lone post
metal eye bolt rusts
long gone tattered rope
frayed knot clings
beneath it, nothing grows
sand so smooth
dust devils curl
each grain that settles knows
Beyond the new fence
where old fence fell
rusted chains still creak
swayed by wind
the little seats
like children, rot away
Towering ladder on pipes
metal slide winks in the sun
screech and cry, the rust protests
as flat round circle spins
beams of light through wanton holes
dappled dancing sins
Mold eats plastic
forms blackened tears
of horses gaunt and wild
the wind can’t move them
on rusty springs
they never care
how the chorus sings
or rain that weeps
and wets the grass
swallow fear
this too shall pass
Lure of joy
trap of pain
the little echoes play
don’t look back at the boundary wall
where silent bricks remain

~ ~ ~

© W.R.R. 11/29/2012
For all survivors of any form of rape or abuse; you are not alone. Speak out. Find your path to healing.

http://www.asashesscatter.com
wrr@asashesscatter.com
@AsAshesScatter


Libby’s Song

As autumn paints fire on leaves
and chill wind blows them, gently
to rest on still clear water
like minute ships
I watch them drift away
Thoughts turn to her
delicate and strong
fearless as leaves in November
As one more falls to join in
the procession whispers
giving me her blessing
as twenty-two tiny ships
silently make their way along

Strength defined her all her days
as she made plenty out of want
when no winds of autumn held gifts
embroiled in the fires
of war and barren
Yet her life came full circle
in the gift of words to me
numerous as fiery woodland leaves
and cloaked in mystery and wonder
So few are left in years of grief
the few that fall, they tremble
as tears cling to lashes
leaves cling to branches
until gentle wind persuades them

The song in the wind still holds it
the precious gift of her laughter
following the breathless hunt
of a tiny girl who runs
salt shaker clutched in eager hand
in pursuit of gloriously indifferent birds
They flit and twitter even now
among the leaves
remembering as I do
this gentle woman with the strength
to move fiery leaves to fall
so they might seek to find
the bright singing dreams
her laughter stirred
deep in the heart of all who heard

~ ~ ~

© W.R.R. 11/22/2012
For Elizabeth, Libby; grandmother of the sister of my heart, upon the day that marked her birth. I didn’t know her, but I understand that pain. Peace to all who grieve for beloved ones lost.


Into the Fray

Pain, sharp and breathless
fight for air
untouched but violated
all over again
with no one near
Sounds and smells
invade with pain
the hated feel of being filled
held down, terrified
with the old tastes rising
mixed with the bile
of the present lie
the ghost of the old horror
When it passes
left bereft of will
destroyed in a pool
of fluids, of blood from bitten tongue
as reality, the oldest lie
crawls back up
on shaking legs
These moments
as the soul, the sanity
begin to fray
there is no defense
no succor
as today is eclipsed
and drowned in yesterday

~ ~ ~

© W.R.R. 11/19/2012
For all survivors of any form of rape or abuse; you are not alone. Speak out. Find your path to healing.

If you suffer from flashbacks, you aren’t alone. Research the term, or talk to a therapist; knowledge is power.

http://www.asashesscatter.com
wrr@asashesscatter.com
@AsAshesScatter


A Taut Strand Sings

I can feel the distance
lengthen between us
as you go away
arrhythmic stutter of heartbeat
curl of slick dread
deep inside
I feel the tenuous stretch
as fate and fortune
take you from me
In the stillness, I know
it is only for a little while
and you are thinking of me
the song in your heart
bares my name
I reach out into the gulf
now unafraid of it’s depth
to grasp the strand
that shudders between us
I hear your thoughts there
reclaiming words shared
Fingers touch, pluck the threads
to make the music
that my soul still sings
a song that bares your name
as you show me how
to learn to be myself
even by myself

~ ~ ~

© W.R.R. 7/9/2012

For Sharon, my friend and confidante, a stepping stone who gives so much of her time, caring heart, and gracious spirit to help me on my healing journey. She doesn’t lead the way, she walks at my side, keeping a pace I can manage. When I stumble, she helps me up. When I weep, she comforts me with her own tears, that soft gift of empathy wrapped in a strength that inspires me to keep trying, keep moving forward. Right now she is on a plane to another country. My gut twisted in fear, afraid to not be able to reach her at any moment. But she is teaching me about trust, and I know she will come back to me. She teaches me to trust myself, too. Now is my time to show her that her gifts are well spent – as I strive to be strong for her. Be safe, Shar.


Sometimes

Sometimes
when the weight of the day
rolls over heart and mind
and crushes the spirit
when the dark crowds in
sometimes, I want to die
I push and heave the weight away
but it’s never really gone
sometimes, exhausted
I let it cover me, hide me
bloodied useless pawn
Sometimes
I wake from horrors
trapped inside my head
sometimes I sleepwalk
or sleep on the floor
just a dog, just a thing
unable to be dead
Sometimes
I wait for the feeling to fade
sometimes I reach for a cure
but the permanent way
has failed me before
so I wait and try to endure
Sometimes
I fall, give up just a little
as the child deep inside
sits and stares
his tears leak ashes
soot to the chin
he’s locked the door
and won’t let me in
lost in nightmares, I wander
sometimes I cry, scream, shout
nobody listens
and I’ve lost the way out
Sometimes I know I hear
voices outside my head
sometimes it’s monsters
or maybe old ghosts
still trying to hear what they said
Sometimes
I relive it, each day I remember
while forgotten days nibble my soul
never can stop it
or fill it back up
before they eat me whole
Sometimes
I lay quiet
and listen to hope fade
feel it drip down my skin
sometimes I cry out
brittle voice of the damned
but no one hears, knows or cares
that the monsters were never
under the bed
they are getting drunk downstairs

~ ~ ~

© W.R.R. 12/24/1994

 


Spilt Milk

The pressure stills
then silence, a moment
milk spills, not allowed to cry

~ ~ ~

© W.R.R. 11/3/1995


Sometimes I Dream of Snow

Lily soft drops of ice coat the world
on the television screen
I creep around the wounded bear
to see
mindful of the cadence of breath

There, white and clean
it waits
children will play in it later
when plows are gone
It’s their bright voices that wake him
He grunts as the bottle drops
to roll on carpet
The eyes find me
the slow smile
makes my body shake

He slaps his thigh and I obey
crawl up as the hands crawl
everywhere
I stare at the snow
watch it fall
wince when it happens again
Shriek of children
they make a sound
like nothing I’ve ever heard
They sound free
unfettered
spinning down like snow
untouched

I try not to cry out
try not to listen
to the grunts
ignore the rancid breath
block out the burn
I become the snow
cold, frozen, waiting
for the fall to end

The children are dancing
snow falls stronger
hissing down
hiss of breath at my ear
it is over

I close my eyes as he stills
climb down when told
He works the remote
and the children are gone

I sit at the window
touch the cold glass
but outside the world is green
I close my eyes, recall the snow
and wait for the children
to dance

~ ~ ~

© W.R.R. 6/27/2012
For all survivors of any form of rape or abuse; you are not alone. Speak out. Find your path to healing.

http://www.asashesscatter.com
wrr@asashesscatter.com
@AsAshesScatter
@RagMan_RIP


The Boy Inside

Pay no mind
to lips shut tight
the crooked smile
stretched in pain
the teeth that clench
glimpsed through my face
when he cries
the boy inside
not me
not me
When I was young
I could fly
til father broke my wings
locked inside
forced to feel
all the nasty nibbling things
Pay no mind
to lattice scars
a map to shattered soul
connect the dots
like broken words
sound it out
sound it slow
when he cries
the boy inside
not me
not me
When I was young
I could dream
til father cut my sleep
numb inside
a cloak of screams
but silence sinks too deep

~ ~ ~

© W.R.R. 4/18/2012
For all survivors of any form of rape or abuse; you are not alone. Speak out. Find your path to healing.

http://www.asashesscatter.com
wrr@asashesscatter.com
@AsAshesScatter
@RagMan_RIP


Forgive

The word sits upon the page
coiled like a snake
side to side
it starts to sway
it tries to make me break
Just one path to light
so baby open wide
swallow their filth
choke it down
and seal it all inside
Slow beat, edge sharp
lead-lined poisoned heart
pumps old pain
through crusted grief
and tears my soul apart
The word sits upon the page
wrapped in pretty lies
absolve the killer
damn the babe
ignoring all his cries

~ ~ ~

© W.R.R. 4/18/2012
For all survivors of any form of rape or abuse; you are not alone. Speak out. Find your path to healing.

http://www.asashesscatter.com
wrr@asashesscatter.com
@AsAshesScatter
@RagMan_RIP


Pieces

Feel it moving
sliding through thoughts
too weak to hold it back
it is awake
Peel back the covering
of brittle ego
trephine my soul
the seat of the mind
to seek, to excise
Laid out in neat slices
a pattern’s shadow
only to find
so many pieces
missing
Those that are left
edges raw, misshapen
no longer fit
where they once did
Yet still, beneath
it moves
elusive as tainted memory
Trace a finger
over the blade of hope
suck the wound
penance is sharper
Why can it not be cut
from mind, from body?
It is so hard
so hard to continue
to forget

~ ~ ~

© W.R.R. 9/7/2000


Fade

Hear the echo
tiny little feet
they run while others chase
hide and seek
with nowhere to hide
Shaking in the cupboard
bruised face
struck by sink pipe
don’t cry out
fade, fade, fade
Another game
caught under bleachers
so many fists and feet
hold your head
and fade
Face pressed to wall
the seekers have found
again
a man turns to dust
and begins to fade
Dust falls on a memory
but never softens the blow
as pain wells
in body, in mind the same
fade, fade, fade

~ ~ ~

© W.R.R. 1/31/2011
For all survivors of any form of rape or abuse. You are not alone. Speak out. Find your path to healing.

http://www.asashesscatter.com
wrr@asashesscatter.com
@AsAshesScatter
@RagMan_RIP


Merry-Go-Round

Set a child on a fancy horse
that goes round and round
laughter pealing out on the wind
Is it just a rare memory?
or is it a lie?
There’s a man behind
holding the strap
to keep him safe from falling
but he is not what he seems
Whirl of colors, lights, sounds
fantastic creatures jump and twirl
but the hand on the back
pressed into a spreading bruise
can turn the music to a din
and cotton candy dreams
slowly turn to ashes
breathe, choke, forget again
A child is not a pretty toy
a gift to barter or sell
bound head to toe in expectations
like bright ribbons
that tighten like a noose
A simple phrase spoken
brings it all back:
You got to get back on the horse, son
The image in mind’s eye is clear
rearing hooves, wild face, staring eye
it was black, flat paint
its expression frozen in a cry
the mane was stiff, not soft
the saddle wet with urine
as the giant hand slid inside
the tiny little clothes

~ ~ ~

© W.R.R. 3/2/2012
For all survivors of any form of rape or abuse. You are not alone. Speak out. Find your path to healing.

http://www.asashesscatter.com
wrr@asashesscatter.com
@AsAshesScatter
@RagMan_RIP


Ebb and Flow

I watch
as cascading water
caresses my love
A ghost beyond the glass
unseen
mere shape
of sharpened lust
for the worship
of this flesh alone
this sacred fire
most base, most sublime
Divided from my soul
if it pleases
just to fill
and be filled
in a rain
of sweet droplets
as two
penetrated
become one
For there is no love
no lust
in reflections of Heaven
or lost in swirling steams of Hell
that could match
what fires my blood
While in the deep places
ebb and flow
ebb and flow
This pull of desire
could steal the moon
from the ancient sea

~~~

© W.R.R. 2/13/12


Arrhythmia

Struggles slow
as the lure of the silence grows
echoes in tired veins
grows louder than
all other rhythmic beats
I know this pain
this whisper of an end to pain
for it thrums in me as in you
Yet I want to align
the unsteady beats
of two poet hearts
until they drown the silence
of the creeping dark
Your ghost words
sent into the ethers
caught in the clinging web
have brought me back
from the shadow’s edge
so I send my words
ghostly, timid
to give them again to you
We have a purpose
songs to sing
words to form
out of the depths
and when our voices and words are lifted
there is nothing
no silence, no shadow
we cannot push back

~ ~ ~

© W.R.R. 2/1/2012
For CaterinaSky, a poet of beautiful words. Thank you for being here.


Sometimes

Sometimes
when the weight of the day
rolls over heart and mind
and crushes the spirit
when the dark crowds in
sometimes, I want to die
I push and heave the weight away
but it’s never really gone
sometimes, exhausted
I let it cover me, hide me
bloodied useless pawn
Sometimes
I wake from horrors
trapped inside my head
sometimes I sleepwalk
or sleep on the floor
just a dog, just a thing
unable to be dead
Sometimes
I wait for the feeling to fade
sometimes I reach for a cure
but the permanent way
has failed me before
so I wait and try to endure
Sometimes
I fall, give up just a little
as the child deep inside
sits and stares
his tears leak ashes
soot to the chin
he’s locked the door
and won’t let me in
lost in nightmares, I wander
sometimes I cry, scream, shout
nobody listens
and I’ve lost the way out
Sometimes I know I hear
voices outside my head
sometimes it’s monsters
or maybe old ghosts
still trying to hear what they said
Sometimes
I relive it, each day I remember
while forgotten days nibble my soul
never can stop it
or fill it back up
before they eat me whole
Sometimes
I lay quiet
and listen to hope fade
feel it drip down my skin
sometimes I cry out
brittle voice of the damned
but no one hears, knows or cares
that the monsters were never
under the bed
they are getting drunk downstairs

~ ~ ~

© W.R.R. 12/24/1994