It came to my attention (the idea given by my friend Rick Belden) that I need to post a comment policy. First, let me say that I know most people seem to mean well. Yet there are things that trigger me outright that sometimes show up in well-meaning comments. Also, there are some occasionally that don’t seem in tone to be as well-meaning as they may have been intended.
This policy is subject to change, and I recommend checking it prior to sending a comment. At this time, if you have had a comment previously approved, your subsequent comments don’t go through moderation. I may consider changing that to have all comments subject to being looked at by a moderator before being approved. This blog journal is primarily for me to tell my story, and hopefully for others to find help and/or understanding. It needs to be a safe place for me, first and foremost. With that in mind, I hope you will understand and keep comments within these rules.
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Refrain from religious references. Discussion will be subject to moderation, but things such as “I’ll pray for you” or mentions of God in relation to me like “God made you” or such, is triggering to me. One of my regular pedophile abusers was a preacher, and many of the others claimed to be “good religious folks”. “God” to me growing up was my pedophile father; he believed he was my god and raised me to worship him as such. Therefore, most religious references are triggers and will not be approved.
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Do not include violent statements in comments, even along the lines of wishing my abusers were harmed. Feel free to think those things or post them elsewhere, but here, they will not be approved. Murder is illegal, and violent talk is too often triggering.
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I do not need a lecture on forgiveness in any context, nor will any comment mentioning “forgive abusers” be approved. I have not, do not, and will not forgive them, nor do I have to; I have read many articles by psychologists that state this is not necessary for healing and often causes the victim/survivor harm. I have a few posts on the topic, and discussion-type comments will be subject to moderation, but may not be approved; especially if the comment seeks to make me conform to a view other than my own. “Forgive them” talk triggers me faster than most.
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Racism, Sexism, Bigotry or Anti-Gay Statements:
I am a bisexual male in a polyamorous relationship, and my “adopted parents” are a gay couple. If you don’t think LGBTQ people or any particular racial group or gender deserve full equal rights, don’t comment about it here. This is not the place to debate such things. This is a place for a survivor to share his story.
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I have seen on other websites where these topics are discussed, a few comments from pedophiles who try to explain how they don’t hurt kids, or how they believe their sickness should be considered a sexual orientation, and they should have rights. Nothing of that sort will be tolerated here. The bottom line is that pedophilia does harm, and that is why it is listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (Current: DSM-V) I have reported such comments three times and the websites had them deleted.
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Courtesy and Respect are Golden:
Courtesy and respect are golden and appreciated, but an excess of feeling can lead to statements of familiarity that can be off-putting to victims/survivors of child rape and child abuse. This issue may be more minor, but it does make me wince and can be a trigger if it is too pronounced. Unless somebody is a family member or friend of mine elsewhere, please keep in mind that we don’t know each other. Please avoid comments with a tone of knowing me well if you don’t know me at all. It makes me nervous. As with most survivor sites, no flames, bashing, bullying, etc. will be tolerated. If you are also a survivor, and feel right about letting me know, please do tell me. I’m hoping other survivors would understand better than most how overt-familiarity or online hostility can be uncomfortable. Finally, some people are natural “huggers”, but asking permission first is best, even in print.
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Requests for Personal Info, Poems, Photos, Etc.:
I do not write poems for people on request, although I have been asked (courteously) more than once. I write poems for myself about my abuse, or about my life now. Occasionally, I have been inspired to write poems for others, and they are gifts. I don’t give out photos of me or my family, and I won’t post any. If you knew what I know, you wouldn’t post photos of your children online, either. I have a portrait of me by a friend on this blog, her interpretation, having never seen me. It shows who I might have been before my father destroyed my face. Finally, I stick with my initials, W.R.R., and those who know my name are asked to keep it private. I may use my name on my memoir someday, I may not. I borrow a dear friend’s mailing address, and it’s worked out for me for a decade now. I have no idea if all of my abusers are dead or if some are still alive. Suffice to say, I am a hermit for several reasons and I must protect my children.
A few random things I prefer to avoid are dogs, Santa Claus, sentimental Father’s Day statements, Pro-Life drivel, the mistaken notion that all prostitution and sex work counts as “sex trafficking” (it doesn’t, trust me), the idea that the mentally ill are somehow subhuman or less deserving of equal rights, and the misguided notion that I shouldn’t have the right to own handguns to protect myself and my family. Again, this is not the place to debate such things. This is a place for a survivor to share his story.
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(This policy is subject to change.)
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In short, I will decide for myself what can be approved, as I have a responsibility to self-care so that I can continue to heal and move forward; and also, hopefully, continue to help others by telling my story. If you take the time to comment, I thank you; comments are welcome and appreciated. If your comment is not approved, my apologies. Odds are, it struck a chord with this policy. Keeping this blog and journal a safe place for me and other survivors is paramount.
Thank you for your cooperation. It is appreciated.
– W. R. R.